Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
