Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
