i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
