But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
