Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
