Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
