I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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