He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
