no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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