I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
