Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
