he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
