Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
