I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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