I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
