Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
