Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize