and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
