She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
