I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
