I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
