I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
