Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
