Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
