She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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