Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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