My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
