I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
