make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
