Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
