I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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