Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
