I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
