Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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