This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
