where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
