I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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