I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize