Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize