Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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