next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
