i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize