U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Come on in and take your pants off
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