69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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