Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
