I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
