whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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