He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
