Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
