I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize