her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
