They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
