Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
