This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He passed out mid-signature
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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