You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
