College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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