guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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