I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
