it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize