P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
