Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
