and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
