my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
