she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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