Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
