Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how drunk are you?
Several
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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