i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
