My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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