Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
