we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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