I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize