Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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