My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
