I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
