so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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