my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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