i think my mom watched the whole time
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
