How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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