Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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