I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
