Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Where is the hickey?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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