I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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