Dual....:-)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
two words...techno handjob
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
