I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
