Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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