I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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