my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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