sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
