Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
