You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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