I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
